Saturday 20 July 2013
Trying to find the positive...
Well, chemo is in full swing and Justin is feeling awful. The VICTORIOUS Box got dipped into not once, but twice today. It's hard to believe that just yesterday he was feeling so great; so alive and hopeful. Today he is so full of despair; so bleak; so hopeless. My heart aches to see him like this. I feel so helpless. I'm his Mom. I'm supposed to make everything better. What can I say to convince him that this will get better? He knows in his head that it's the truth. He's been through this once before and came out of it feeling great. But these facts just don't matter when you are stuck in a hospital bed with toxins pumping into your veins, feeling like you just want it to be over. How is anybody, especially a twelve year old boy, supposed to look beyond the reality of right now and look instead toward the future. His future is a year of the same. To say it's not fair is an understatement. Life is not fair. We say it all the time to our kids when they complain about not having the latest gadgets or if they don't like their curfew. These things that matter so much to so many kids, are so insignificant when you are a child who is fighting for your life. There is still much to be thankful for, don't get me wrong. If I dig deep, I can find these things. We have a great support system in our family, friends and community. We are being surprised almost everyday with the compassion and generosity of those around us. I know that we are being prayed for daily and I ask that you please continue to do so. I have always said, right from the beginning of this, if Justin is feeling good ~ then I am good. Well, my Justin is not feeling good right now. Enough said.
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Hi Trish,
ReplyDeleteWell I think I just figured out how this blog works so I will try to leave a message. Let me know if you get it. Needless to say your family has been in my prayers since I first heard of Justin's diagnosis. It sounds as though you are on a real roller coaster ride. Hang tight and you will learn that right now, this moment, is all that matters and eventually you will learn to be grateful for just that one moment in time. I could give you a ton of advice but you have enough intelligence and fortitude and character to see this through. I always called it going to the wire and not much liking what I saw on the other side. And you will be angry and frustrated and think you do not have another ounce to give and it will hurt but you pick yourself up because there is just another step to take. One step at a time my dear, just one more step. If you need a tutor in the coming year I have some experience at your disposal. If you need a break or a heart to heart just let me know. I am beside you.