Moving Forward

It has been a while since I last posted.  Life has slowed down around here significantly.  Funny how quickly your life can change.  A little over a year ago it suddenly got filled with appointments, tests, hospital admissions, treatments, etc. and that soon became the new "norm".  One year later, it all seems like a bad dream.  Gone are the twice-a-week Cancer Care appointments.  They have been replaced with once-a-month wellness checks and IV antibiotics.  (Due to the chemotherapy, Justin's immune system is still vulnerable for 6 months post-treatment, so he will need have the antibiotics to protect his lungs from pneumonia and other infections.)  No longer are we being admitted to CK5 for chemotherapy treatments.  Now, we go up only to visit our extended family of other cancer patients who are still in treatment and the wonderful nursing staff that we spent so much time with.  On these visits when I look at the patient board behind the nursing desk, I see so many new names that I don't recognize.  It is a grim reminder that while that life is now a thing of the past for us, it is just the beginning for so many others.

Grade 8 Farewell has come and gone.  Justin was adamant that he wanted to get up in front of everyone and express his gratitude for all of the support that he has received from his teachers and classmates over the past year.  He spoke eloquently from the heart and moved many people to tears.  A proud mother moment, for sure.  Since then, we have been out to our campsite at West Hawk Lake as often as possible.  Justin has been making up for lost time on the tube and in the water and is loving every minute of it!  This summer is about being a teenage boy, hanging out with his brothers and friends, doing the things that teenage boys love to do. 

A month from now we will be on our way to Italy for Justin's dream trip.  We have been busy deciding what we want to see and do, pre-buying tickets to some of the main attractions so we don't have to wait in line, renting our van and brushing up on some Italian phrases and travel tips to ensure we have the best trip possible.  It will definitely be the trip of a lifetime!

Moving forward, Justin will continue to have MRIs, chest x-rays and blood work every three months for the next 5 years to make sure that there is no relapse.  Justin is angry that he has to be monitored so closely.  I guess he just wants that part of his life to be over and every three months he has these scans to remind him of what he has been through.  I have heard the term 'scanxiety' often from other pediatric cancer moms that I have met.  It describes the feeling that we, as parents (and I suppose teenage patients, as well), get leading up to scan appointments.  It is in this moment that everything hangs in the balance.  As we wait for results, we imagine the worst and hope for the best.  They will continue to monitor Justin for 5 years.  Will I magically stop worrying about Justin after that 5-year mark?  I think not. I once read, "Being diagnosed with pediatric cancer is not a death sentence, it is a life sentence."  This is so true.  The chemotherapy drugs that they use to kill the cancer cells in these young bodies can pose a host of problems for these children in the future.  Every cough, fever, complaint of muscle pain or change in appetite throws up a red flag for me.  I can't imagine a time when it won't.  Justin, of course, sees me as the over-protective, panicky mother who blows everything out of proportion.  I suppose that is now my lot in life.  Going through something like this changes who you are as a person.  How can it not?  Even though I try to have faith that Justin is healed, doubts creep in.  I suppose it's human nature.  We are not in control of this.  I just have to try to, "Let go and let God".

Justin and twin bro, Ryan, on Farewell day

Giving his speech

Tubing with big bro, Brennan

 

 

 

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