The Final Countdown

Last week Justin completed chemo # 13.  Physically, it was neither easier nor harder than previous treatments but it was different.  Justin had a room mate for the first time.  Though he was a nice enough boy about Justin's age, it wasn't ideal.  Going through chemotherapy is not something easily shared with strangers.  It is such a personal, private experience.  It strips you bare, leaving you vulnerable and exposed.  You are literally at your worst and having to endure this while in the company of strangers seems wrong.  Shortly after his chemo was started, Justin curled up in his blankets and told me he just wanted to sleep through the whole thing.  My heart ached for him because normally we have 'moments' during his treatments where he opens up to me, spilling all of his emotions about the whole miserable process that is chemotherapy.  He rages and rails against it, wishing it to be over so he can just be back at home.  It is raw and it is real.  It's sort of therapeutic, in a way. Instead, he lay there silently.  With a stranger in the room, perhaps he felt he had to keep it all inside for fear of judgement.  We have been so fortunate that up until now, we had never had to share a room.  I hope and pray that we will have a private room for his last chemo. 

It is the final countdown!  We are exactly two weeks away from the scheduled start date of Justin's 14th and final chemotherapy treatment on April 29th.  He will also have radiation again, within the next few weeks after chemo, to both lungs to be sure whatever was once there is gone.  When we first heard the words, "Your son has cancer", I couldn't imagine ever getting to this place in time.  Time seemed to stand still and the end seemed so far away.  Well, now it's here and with this end comes a new beginning.  The beginning of a new life for Justin.  He will now be a cancer survivor because he believes that he has beat this.  We believe he has beat this.  He has been such an inspiration to me throughout this whole journey.  Who would have thought that I could learn so much from my own child?  He has taught me to have faith, which is something I have often struggled with.  He has taught me to be strong when I would have liked to curl up into a little ball and disappear.  He has taught me that he can endure so much more than we, even he, thought he was capable of.  He was just saying the other day that he is weak; a wuss - has been most of his life.  I was incredulous!  I reminded him that anyone who has been through what he has for the past ten months is anything but a wuss!  He has matured and evolved into a strong, brave, confident young man who has refused to let this stand in his way.  He has plans for the future and is taking steps to make those dreams come true.  I cannot even express how proud I am of him and how much my heart is bursting with love for him.  One thing this experience has taught me is that no matter what you believe you know about your children, they will surprise you.  I look forward to many more surprises from Justin in the years to come.