Five Down, Eight To Go

Round 5 of chemo is complete and Justin is home.  It didn't go as easily as the last time, but it wasn't the worst he's been through.  The nausea seemed to come and go and when it came, it was sudden.  He was fine one minute and sick as a dog the next.  The only thing that he can focus on during these bouts of nausea is going home.  Although he acknowledges that the people caring for him are wonderful, he hates the hospital and just wants to be at home.  Well, we are home now and his spirits are already better!

Spending every third weekend in the hospital has become routine, and not a routine that any of us look forward to.  The days are long and the nights are sleepless.  Staring at the same four walls is mind numbing.  Sure, we can take walks if Justin feels up to it, but when he's hooked up to the chemo he can't leave the ward.  And of course, any time we go anywhere Justin has to drag his IV pole with him.  He is hooked up to it from the moment we get to Cancer Care on admission day to the moment we are discharged. 

It's surprising how easy it is to 'forget' sometimes that Justin has cancer when he's feeling so good  between his treatments and life seems 'normal'.  Even when we're at the hospital, because it has become the new normal for us, it's easy to put out of my mind the reason we're there.  I never realised that I was subconsciously doing this until yesterday.  I was on my way out of the room, when I looked at Justin's IV pump to see how much time was left on it.  When I saw the word CHEMO on the pump, I felt like I had been punched in the gut.  I just stood there and thought to myself,  "Oh my gosh.  My son has cancer."  It was a grim realisation after all of the excitement of the past few weeks.  Getting caught up in all of that excitement is obviously a good distraction, but it doesn't change the fact that regardless of how well Justin is responding to the treatments, he still has cancer and he still has to go through all 13 of his chemo treatments.  Thus, this will be our 'norm' for months to come. 

I can only pray that it remains easy to 'forget' that Justin has cancer.  If that is the case, that means that he is doing well.  That means that he is avoiding any other illness that comes from being immunocompromised.  That means that he is beating this disease.  And he will.